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Vampire Nerd Thoughts [Oct. 12th, 2010|12:18 am]

Spoilers exist below.
So I've been rereading The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice. Ahh, that takes me back, they were such an essential part of my high school years. As sad as this sounds, I spent a lot of time wishing that Lestat and Louis were real and that they'd be in New Jersey for some reason and would make me a vampire. In fact, TVC were why I wouldn't be a Buffy fan for years. I liked that the evil of the vampires was very ambiguous and that they were beautiful (With the exception of Magnus.) So, to me, the idea of randomly staking them was 1. funny, because that really wouldn't do anything in the Anne Rice-verse and 2. cruel.
Anyway, I'm back! I'm a fan again. I just finished rereading Queen of the Damned. Sadly, my original copies are packed up in my mom's basement and the only mass paperback I could find had a still from that abortion of a movie that they made. I hate Aaliyah as Akasha and that they made Marius be the sire of Lestat. It's nice rereading them because I'm rediscovering characters that I'd never really thought about before. I was always very Louis and Lestat-centric but now I'm enjoying Marius and even Armand.
I will not be rereading Tale of the Body Thief. I hate that book with a passion. It's after Queen of the Damned. Lestat drank a lot of blood from Akasha and is basically as powerful--possibly even more so--than the vampires made in the first brood, 6,000 years ago. So he does the logical thing, which is switch bodies with a creepy man who says he has that power. My body is like a slingshot or a small cudgel. Lestat's body is like a hydrogen bomb. So he's totally shocked when the guy hijacks his body and doesn't return it. It was 500 pages of pain watching everyone tell him it was stupid. Instead, I will skip ahead to Blood and Gold and The Vampire Armand.
I did read this hilarious fact about Armand, when I was reading Wikipedia to answer some questions. Waaaaay back in Interview with the Vampire, you will remember that Claudia is condemned to be burnt in the sun for killing Lestat and Louis is to be locked in a coffin. Armand is pretty indifferent to the coven's decision and plans to rescue Louis anyway. So Claudia begs him to give her a woman's body, because she's trapped in the body of a five-year-old, without regard to how dangerous it will be. Armand chops the head off of one of the women coven members and then chops the head off of Claudia and tries to stick it on the woman's body but, alas, this didn't work. I think that this is a good thing because then she'd have a five-year-old's head on a grown woman's body and that would be creepy. Maybe if he stuck a broomstick in her neck or something it would have worked. Or used some gaffer's tape. I mentioned this to my roommate and we were thinking of all the ways to make Claudia's head stick on. Like Ramona Quimby, I believe that scotch tape can solve most problems so that was my solution. Scotch tape and E6000.
This amused her so I told her about how in Tale of the Body Thief that Lestat kind of accidentally rapes a waitress. I say kind of accidentally because Anne Rice's vampires can't really have sex--I guess their world is one of eternal dry humping and getting to third base. So when Lestat switches bodies with a human he ends up having sex with this woman and doesn't stop when she says "no." You kind of feel bad for him because it's been 200 years since he had sex and I'm not even sure if he had sex with a woman as a mortal since he was pretty gay or at least bi, and he'd just really forgotten what sex was like. The woman he raped was upset that he didn't use a condom and if I recall correctly, Lestat was all "What's a condom?" I could be remembering it wrong, though. I did everything in my power to block out that book. It didn't make sense to me, though, since condom's existed in the 18th century. They were just very expensive. And reusable. When I said this, my roommate added that they were also made of wood like George Washington's teeth. We're funny.
I would suggest that Lestat watch the "Condoms, Rose! Condoms, condoms condoms!" episode of The Golden Girls to learn more about condoms.